Thanks to Elder Hawk's sister we have his journal transcribed:
April 23, 2015
Enrique is probably one of the humblest men I have ever met. He told us today how he believed in a lot of the standards and things that church teaches, but never had anything concrete. When he found the Book of Mormon he found what he had been looking for . Then he said that we was reading in the gospel principles manual (which he said he had fallen in love with) and said he read about the difference between the spirit and the gift of the spirit. He said when he learned that he could only have the spirit with him always after repentance and baptism that he felt something in his chest. Then he read the chapter on repentance and realized how he still needed to repent and proceed to make changes in his life and that baptism could complete it. I was amazed of how he was able to be so humble that he could be so receptive to learn and feel those things from the spirit. Then he said that he has been putting more pressure on the lawyers and he is just going to give his ex-wife whatever she wants for the divorce (25%). He said he is tired of waiting and has realized that he needs to have the spirit with him as soon as possible. The first time we had talked he said that he didn’t want to let her take advantage, but now he said he just wants to be baptized. We had already tried to teach him and show him that, but he had to learn it on his own through the spirit. He also showed so much gratitude for the missionaries who found him and for us and I just thought about how much the members here love the missionaries. They really would do anything for them because they are so grateful that through them they received the gospel. I really felt unworthy of such great love and respect. Seeing the humility of Enrique perhaps humbled me. But in his prayer at the end he thanked God for “esai dos burnos personas dignas de fi” and my eyes started to tear up because I felt like my Father in Heaven was telling me that he is content with me and my efforts. I want to be worthy of this love and confidence and respect and work as hard as I can to show my gratefulness.
I also then thought of what it will be like to have the mantle taken from me - to no longer be a full-time missionary. I don’t know what I will do without this authority and blessing and privilege that the Lord has given to me. I am so indebted to Him for this amazing experience and opportunity and I love Him so much. I love being His missionary. I want to serve Him all my life. I want to be humble myself that I can learn of Him and become who He wants me to be.
April 25, 2015
Today in the morning as we walked to our first visit we passed by Julio Caceres(?) washing his car and we talked a second and he told us that Lorena(?) is getting worse. WE went and had a quick meeting with the Neira Family (Matias is going to get baptized on May 16) and then we came back. We saw Julio hugging his wife who was crying. We talked a minute and offered to give her a blessing. WE went in the house next door where they were preparing a little book store and gave her a blessing. i prayed silently and then put my hands on her head. I really felt the spirit speaking through me which is perhaps the greatest feeling that I could ever have. I love being the voice of the Spirit. But then we said goodbye and continued on. But we said goodbye to Julio who had returned to washing his car and he said that they really needed me in this few days but I hadn’t come, that it was hard without Miguel and they felt the lack of him. I realized that I have basically become his child. But I felt horrible that I couldn’t be there for them. As we walked to lunch I prayed to my Father in Heaven pleading that he would make me more than I am and stretch my abilities beyond what I can do. As I said it the words came to my mind, “I already am” and then I asked for even more. It reminded me of how much I truly depend on the Lord.
Also, as I thought about blessings I wrote the following in my daily planner: “I cannot waste my strength in the world when the ones I love will need that strength in times of struggle.”
Then we had divisions, I was with Elder Choez(?) and Elder Q(?). Last year on this day I was also in a division and trio with Elder C…on his birthday! We ate a kilo of ice-cream (too much) But we had a good lesson when I talked to a young couple about my grandparents and how their sacrifices helped me and in the same way their sacrifices will help many generations. I realized yet again how blessed and grateful I am for my heritage and have a desire to learn more about it.
Also, we talked with a woman who was one of the first converts of Posadas. She is incredible. The spirit she has with her and her love is remarkable. She talked to us with excitement about the scriptures. She told us we have been called and chosen to work with the leaders and change things for the better. I asked how we can help others to have this same love for the scriptures. She said it started with a desire and then it becomes contagious. That answered a question I have had for a long time: How can I give people a desire to live the gospel? Missionaries, investigators, members, etc. The trick is to live it ourselves first and be excited about it and be a light and it is contagious. That is why Elder Oaks and basically all the other speakers in the conference yesterday talked about the Sabbath day and applying it first in our lives! First we do it and then we have excitement to share it with others and they see that and feel it and also gain the desire to have what we have - happiness and blessings---light. My greatest desire is to be the kind of person who will give others a desire to improve just by the light they see in me and the excitement and love that I have for the gospel and every principle it teaches. I want to be like Christ.
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